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Message-ID: <1fpmje7.u5fthe1ctb69lN%coulter@jwgh.org> Newsgroups: alt.religion.kibology Subject: Re: Spot the Psycho? From: Ann Coulter <coulter at jwgh.org> Date: Fri, 31 Jan 2003 00:54:42 -0500 Organization: Evil Republican Overlords, Inc.
Poor Spot! Curses, my newsfeed is working again and now I get to read this:
Jorn Barger <jorn at enteract.com> wrote:
Here's the private email I sent [. . .]also, i spent the day exploring [Xxx]'s past at GooJa-- I think if I hint at all I know, [x]'ll just freak further about stalking-etc though...? (it's all pretty blatant-- real name, fetishes, suicidal urges, meds)
Well this is just freakin' great. I guess it's time to finally put an end to all the rumors.
It's true. I am really Ann Coulter. All of my posts to ARK for the last few years have been part of an elaborate right-wing plot to discredit Jorn Barger and make him go COMPLETELY BATSHIT INSANE. (After that we were going to go after Joe Bay, then any other Kibologists with the initials 'J.B.'. It turns out that W is still kind of pissed off over that whole Florida thing.) So much for the assurances that our coded messages in alt.ascii-art.*.<-perth were uncrackable. Apparently those who said that the practice of using digital images as a one-time pad could not be directly applied to ASCII art were correct. (I guess we shouldn't have had them all shot in the Great Purge of 1999. Ah well.)
It all started when we learned that Mr. Barger was using his blog as a bully pulpit to oppose the forced religious conversion of all cloned ratmen. Since our plans for the 2024 election focus heavily on the projected population of mutant baptist republican rats, this had to be stopped at ALL COSTS. (Particularly as our experiments with breeding hyperintelligent libertarian supercows was running into major problems -- it turns out that they have a tendency to buy unlicensed guns and take potshots at McDonald's, which of course we can't have.) Then in 2001 he came out in favor of new-age archaeology, and suddenly we had to postpone our plans to re-open the Ark of the Covenant for fear of offending the suddenly-strong Pagan Fossil Advancement Lobby. (Don't worry, though -- they'll get theirs in the end. 'That is not dead which can eternal lie' IYKWIM.) It was obvious he had to be stopped.
Fortunately I had established myself as a 'crow' on USENET some time before that. The unreadable junk posted to talk.bizarre in the early-to-mid-90s, the rants posted to alt.tech-support.recovery, the obviously incorrect calculations posted to sci.math -- all of it was a facade. (The posts to alt.fan.warlord were sincere, though. In hindsight I shouldn't have let down my guard.) And now it's all gone to hell.
I guess I'll have to report to the fearless leader (Hunter Thompson if you must know -- it's always the last one you suspect) that our plan has been discovered. All that work for nothing! Someone will pay for this, and I'll make damn sure it's not me.
A word to the wise, though -- be very, very nice to the one known as 'Mike Zeares'. He is more important to the future of our planet than you can imagine.
Signing off,
jwgh
-- "Some people think they are Jesus Christ or Napolean, but they can't all be right." - Stephen Hawking, /Black Holes and Baby Universes and other Essays/